When the same argument
keeps coming back
Sometimes it’s a tsunami. Sometimes it’s the small, everyday rumblings, or days that turn into weeks of niggling and defensiveness. No warmth. No repair. And in the middle of it all, it’s hard to see a way out, let alone a way forward.
Couples therapy is a place to step back from the fight and look at the pattern underneath it, together.
Couples I work with
Couples who keep having the same argument, or who feel distant or lonely together
Couples going through a crisis, such as an affair coming to light, a loss, or a major change
Couples who want to reconnect after years of being busy parents, co-workers or housemates
Couples unsure whether to stay together, and couples who want to separate with more respect and less damage
Same-sex and LGBTQIA+ couples, and couples where one or both partners are neurodivergent
You don’t need to be in crisis to come.
How I work
I work with Relational Life Therapy™, a warm, direct and practical approach developed by American family therapist Terry Real. I’m not a neutral referee. I’ll be honest with each of you, including about the things that are hard to hear, and I’m on the side of your relationship and of each of you.
Trauma-informed care
I’m a trauma-informed practitioner. In RLT, we recognise that painful experiences in the families we grew up in are often at the root of relationship difficulties. RLT isn’t a trauma therapy as such. It explores how those early experiences show up in your relationships now, so you can understand them and respond differently. Being trauma-informed means I pace the work with care, and I can recognise when deeper trauma work is needed.
What to expect
A free introductory call
Fifteen minutes to tell me a little about what’s happening, ask questions and see whether we’re a good fit.
Mapping the pattern
The first one or two sessions are about understanding what’s happening between you. I may also see each of you on your own during this stage, which is a normal part of couples work and includes checking on safety.
Regular sessions
Couples sessions are usually 90 minutes, fortnightly. That gives you time to put the work into practice in everyday life.
Between sessions
If you’ve agreed to AI-assisted notes, you’ll receive a written summary after each session: what we noticed, what each of you is working on, and sometimes something to practise before we next meet.
Locations
St Kilda, Melbourne
IN PERSON
Macedon Ranges
IN PERSON
Online
ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD
When other things need attention first
Some things need to be addressed before couples therapy can work well. In RLT, we call these preconditions.
They include:
- active addiction, such as to alcohol or drugs
- a mental health condition that isn’t being treated
- an ongoing affair
If one of these applies, couples therapy may need to wait until it’s being treated or addressed. You won’t be on your own with it. I can help you find the right support, and we can agree together on when couples work can begin.
If there is family violence or coercive control, or you feel afraid of your partner, couples therapy isn’t safe or appropriate. I can help you find the right support.
