Empathy depends on feeling safe. When we’re regulated and standing level with someone, we can truly see them.

No partner can heal our childhood wounds. When we stop asking them to, we meet them in the present.

Parents and babies are in sync only 30 per cent of the time. What matters is finding the way back.

Like a panda copying his keepers' grimace, we repeat defences learned in childhood, but what was learned can change.

Our brains see what they expect, in optical illusions and in our partners. Generosity is the antidote.